Change

Here’s something I’ve learnt… moving home, however exciting, is not all that easy.  You forget that, however difficult, however many obstacles whilst away have made you want to come home, the fact remains that you have been away and that it has changed you.  It has to change you, most things do.  You just don’t realise how much until you return to where you were before.

I’m still trying to work out how much it has changed me.  For the moment I’m just trying to deal with the surface changes; capital city to northern countryside, french second language to english mother tongue, new aquaintences to old life long friendships.

Perhaps the scariest thing is that, whilst in Paris I had an excuse.  I’d been pulled away from my normal life, so it didn’t matter if I wan’t getting on with it, dealing with it.  Whilst there, the important thing was to make it through and hopefully learn a bit of French along the way.  Yes I still thought and worried and stressed about what I am doing with my life; where it’s going, what I need to do for my future.  But if it got too much I could always say to myself, look you can’t do much while you’re here anyway, just wait till you’re home and you can sort it all out then.  So now I am home, and I admit, I am panicing a bit.

Don’t get me wrong; my worries, I know full well, are trivial.  I am blessed in very many ways.  Still, like most people, my worries are relative to my life.

I am a stupidly positive person normally, and I don’t mind if other people see that negatively because it has worked for me and amongst my friends for long enough.  I’m am already bucking up and taking control of things again.  It took me a good 4 months to settle in to Paris.  I guess it’s okay if it takes a month or so to settle in back home :)

Besides, when I take a step back and look.. I have just lived in Paris for a year, and I am 21 tomorrow, and there’s nothing really more  I could ask for in life right now, except maybe time :)

Maya xx

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